I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
