you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
