i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
