FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
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