may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
