You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
