I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Your penis caused this!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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