go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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