i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
