This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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