I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
