In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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