I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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