i wish there were pregnant emoticons
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can't trust your balls anymore.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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