She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
