Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
