i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
