This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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