We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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