I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
that is very illegal...i love you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
