Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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