you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
