the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
