I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
