I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
