i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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