he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
