apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
