sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
