is your mom at the bar?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
