That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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