You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
