I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
