i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
