tell your sister to shave her snatch
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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