Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
