just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
