i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
