I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
