I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
