your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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