He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
