I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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