Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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