his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
