everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
