i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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