i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize