Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
