So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
