whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
