Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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