The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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