Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If I die, sorry about rent.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize