he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
