You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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