Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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