I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
