At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
