I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
