So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
