who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
