If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
