I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
