Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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