So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
All I want is dick and wine.
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