I just cut my nipple shaving
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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